***I WOULD LIKE TO PREFACE THIS POST BY SAYING THAT THIS IS IN NO WAY ABOUT ANY ONE PERSON, NOR IS IT AN ATTEMPT AT TRYING TO TELL SOMEONE SOMETHING BY WAY OF SUGGESTING IT THROUGH A GENERALIZED BLOG POST. THESE ARE SIMPLY THINGS THAT I THINK AND FEEL, AND, BY GOD'S GRACE, MUSTER UP THE COURAGE TO SHARE.***
I think that it would be safe to say that most people I know have been lumped in, at one point or another, with the rest of their peers and deemed to be "The Worst Generation To Have Ever Walked the Earth". They say that we're the rudest, loudest, meanest, most selfish, disrespectful, careless, sexualized, demon-possessed, God-hating, immoral... well, you get the picture... apparently, we're just awful.
The irony is, that as a mere 25 year old, I have lived long enough to see an even newer generation grow into adolescents who are also deemed as "the worst". But, wait a second... I thought that MY generation was about as low as they come. Oh, but wait... I can remember hearing about how my parents generation was also deemed the scum of the earth... bunch o' dope heads and hippies. And, if I'm not mistaken, my grandparents generation was responsible for producing feminism and Elvis, who was the King of Rock & Roll and ultimately the gateway to Hell, so surely THEY are responsible for society's failures. Oh... what's that you say? In the years leading up to and after 100 B.C., the Romans used to feed live people to live animals at The Colosseum as their most popular form of spectator sport entertainment? Hmm...
Never you mind those Romans. This new generation takes the cake. They don't say "sir" or "ma'am", they're all on welfare, chivalry is dead, and they just all around suck.
I could honestly sit here all day and think of reasons why the general public is suffering thanks to today's generation, or yesterday's generation, or really, just whomever I cared to cast the bulk of the blame on, I'm sure I could muster up a big enough list to convince at least one or two like-minded people as to why we should be disgusted with them and why all of OUR problems are THEIR fault, and why I am completely justified by being offended by everything they do or say. But, I don't want to do that. I want to bring it down to scale. Let's forget about this and that generation, and let's just talk about the two factors in any social setting that we can do something about... those factors are YOU and ME.
As a child, my parents did share with me a general set of rules and expectations that were meant to be upheld in social settings and when amongst my elders, and in most cases, I did adhere to those general values because I knew to not do so would result in grim consequences. It was never my desire to feel the sting of those consequences, also called a belt, on my rear end. Did the fear of those consequences convince me that my elders actually deserved respect? Not at all. But, it did teach me that if a pony takes orders, all goes well, and if they disobey, here come's the whip. So, for the most part, as most children do, I ponied up and did my duty. My parents were generally satisfied with my manners, and my elders were generally impressed that I was outwardly respectful and compliant. All of those rules and consequences, however, did not change the fact that by nature, humans are "monkey-see, monkey-do", and I was raised by two very imperfect people, just as all of you were. The mantra "Do as I say, not as I do" is a hopeless saying that only works in theory, which ultimately means, it doesn't work. If a parent explains to their child the importance of showing respect for their elders, but that same parent only shows hostility and rebellion toward authority, then despite the fact that the child has been told the importance of respect, they have been taught something very different. That is where the confusion seems to occur, and the poop hits the fan. People assume that to tell someone something is to teach them. But, while a child may obey a parent's rules, there are many cases where they do so simply because "this is what children should do". That mindset is often the result of parents who don't practice what they preach. They say no cookies before dinner, but they are regularly caught snacking between meals, and then scolding a child for asking for a snack, saying, "Don't you know that will spoil your dinner?" Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. "Now, go play and stop whining about being hungry. I'll call you when dinner is ready." Chomp. Chomp. Chomp.
What, then, does a child truly grasp from such a confusing situation? They see the adult doing what they are telling the child not to do, and then naturally assume that these rules only apply to children. The child doesn't quite understand why, but they know that parents have many silly rules for them that they themselves don't abide by. The only conclusion for most children is that "I am a child, and I must follow the rules. I cannot wait to be a grown-up so that I don't have to follow the rules anymore."
Let me say that again.
"I am a child, and I must follow the rules. I cannot wait to be a grown-up so that I don't have to follow the rules anymore."
This leads to a very "good" child growing up to be a very less than satisfactory adult. Their parents and grandparents will shake their heads while saying, "I don't know what happened, she was always such a good child. I never would have imagined she would turn out like this. The world must have gotten to her, because we raised her better than that. Society has ruined our children."
The harsh reality? Your words gave them rules that children must obey, while your actions showed them the way that adults are allowed to behave. So, all of those rules, the endless punishments and groundings for breaking them, in your child's mind, all of that nonsense had an expiration date. They were simply arbitrary rules with no bearings that children must follow or else be punished. The moment that the child is grown and knows that they are no longer under your authority or in fear of punishment, they will be much more bold in being who they have always been now that they are out of the dog and pony show that was their childhood. If there is no longer anyone to whip them, why then, should they still perform? We are all rowing the same boat here, the boat in which each one of us thinks, "There are too many chiefs, and not enough Indians. But, if everyone would just listen to me, we would all be better off." We measure and judge each other according to the rules that our parents told us, while living our own lives the way that our parents taught us.
Parents, if you are not a living model of who you want your children to be, then any rule you give them will be taken by them as arbitrary and temporary. Don't worry, I'm speaking to myself here as much as I am speaking to you. I, too, have little ones watching my every move and learning to navigate this life by mimicking what their parents do. My hope, is that while they see my many imperfections, they also see me running to the cross and laying them down at my Savior's feet. We can never underestimate what God did when He sent His Son to live here among us. Not only, was Christ able to live a perfect life and die as a perfect and holy sacrifice in my place so that I might live in God's grace without fear of failure, but He also gave us the bare necessity of a living model to imitate. Likewise, that is what we are to be to our children. We may never live a perfect life as Christ did, but His grace is sufficient for thee! Everything that He EVER did will ALWAYS be enough to make up for everything that we will NEVER be able to do... including, being the perfect parent.
How does all of this rambling fit into the You and I equation that I referenced earlier? Simply this: As a parent with grown children, you have to be willing to take some responsibility for who your children are, good or bad. In taking responsibility for that, it should be easier for you to look around at their generation as a whole and understand that not only are they no worse than your generation, but they are equally as sinful as any living being ever was, and they are just as much in need of a Savior as you are. As a grown child, I must recognize that even if my parents didn't truly teach me better, despite what they told me, that as an adult, I am responsible for my own actions, regardless of how I was brought up. As a Christian, there is never an excuse to behave like an idiot because "It's just the way I was raised", when there is an entire book called "The Bible" that tells me of God's grace and His life changing salvation.
Now, don't get me wrong. There are always other factors in the equation that we may have no control over. All of this is not to say that if you are indeed the perfect parent, then your children will grown up to be spic and span model citizens, never to disappoint a soul. This is simply to say, stop pointing the finger. Be honest with yourself that if you are offended by someone doing something that is simply utterly offensive and disrespectful according to your standards of decency, then you can always take the advice that I give my four and five year old... Ignore them. Turn the other cheek. Yes, you can choose to wallow in the offense, or you can take the high road. They are just as human as you, and just as imperfect. Do what you can actually do something about... YOU. Doing something about YOU typically doesn't require arguing with others and placing blame, or gossiping to others about how awful the offender is, but rather looking inside of your own heart and humbling yourself before God through repentance and receiving His grace to make it through what may seem like a terrible offense at the time. Likewise, I am not saying that all rules are useless and arbitrary. But, just like Jesus called the Pharisees a brood of vipers, so are we as parents if we are shelling out rules that we aren't willing to follow ourselves. We are literally feeding them a venom that sets them up for failure if we are talking the talk without walking the walk.
